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“At one point, my resentment grew so great that I began to dread birthdays, holidays and anniversaries because I knew I was going to be let down.
One year, after yet another birthday disappointment, I finally realized that something had to change — and that something was me…I mistakenly viewed television-style romance as concrete proof of true love.
It wasn’t enough to say “I love you.” It wasn’t enough to give a card. You had to do ALL of them for EVERY holiday – birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, you name it. It would be nice to say that he “should” go the extra mile “if he really loved you,” but as we all know, it’s not that simple to rewire your personality.
As a result, I was brought up with the de facto mindset that this is how you treat women on special occasions. As a result, I’ve been fortunate that, for whatever my considerable flaws (know-it-all, tactless, oversharer, impatient), being a thoughtful and generous husband is not one of them. Victoria Fedden, to her credit, realized this, in her piece for Your Tango/The Good Men Project.
I never even got a thank you or heard one word about it since, and that was several months ago.