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You've noted that while society's happy for a famous man to age, and become distinguished, and generally wander around looking like a fucking wizard, the women generally still seem to be 20 years younger, and standing there on the cover of magazines, all like, "Oh! You've watched the whole Caitlyn Jenner trans thing unfold and gone, "You know what — this all seems fair enough. You like women being equal to men — which is all that feminism means. Because I am a chronic over-sharer, and incapable of keeping secrets. Unfortunately, in both cases, the entire future of the world does rest on people being able to say those words properly, and not mumbling "femernism", or "envibeoment". Which are both, when you think about it, much odder-sounding. 'The Man'So, when women talk about "The Man", we're not talking about you. And we remembered all the times on social media, or in conversations, an angry man has said, "Women are WINNING now. It is MEN who are being silenced", and it all made sense. But we don't want to go on about it to you, because that would be morbid. — but we must also work for less money, as discussed above. This is why, maybe, women can become suddenly furious — why online discussions about feminism suddenly ignite into rage. I'm gonna be honest with you — for the first five years of my adult life, most of my decisions were made by the contents of my pants. If we're getting sexually harassed, is it because we're wearing the wrong skirt? Besides, as discussed above, men need feminism almost as badly as women do.

You know babies come out of vaginas and it fucking stings, and that the vaginas are having a hard time anyway, what with all the waxing they get. You've called Donald Trump "a twat" for his sexist comments about a female news anchor being on her period. It's the 21st century and you are, most assuredly, not a dick. So, what I am going to do, instead, is tell you 12 things about women that women are usually too embarrassed to tell you themselves. They both have that slight implication of, "I'm now going to launch into a speech that's basically about what a great person I am". " — until they feel as normal as saying "pina colada", or "Michael Fassbender". Similarly, when we talk about the patriarchy, that's not you, either. And then it turned up every month for the next 30 years. I PRESUME YOUR CONCERN FOR THE WELFARE OF CHILDREN EXTENDS INTO A LIFE SPENT VOLUNTEERING IN CARE HOMES, FOSTERING AND DONATING YOUR WAGES TO THE NSPCC — AND DOESN'T SOLELY REST ON HARASSING AND ABUSING TEARFUL, POSSIBLY RAPED WOMEN WHO ARE TRYING TO GET A SAFE, LEGAL MEDICAL PROCEDURE SO THEY DON'T FUCK UP THE REST OF THEIR LIVES." Here's another thing we're too embarrassed to say: we'd love it if a big bunch of pro-choice men turned up at these clinics, and helped escort the scared women in. And if women talk 25–50 per cent of the time, they're seen as "dominating the conversation". We don't want to mention it, because it's kind of a bummer, chat-wise, and we'd really like to talk about stuff that makes us happy, like look at our daughters — and we can't help but think, "Which one of us? " We walk down the street at night with our keys clutched between our fingers, as a weapon. We talk to each other for hours on the phone — to share knowledge. Given the figures, we can't sometimes help but feel we're just… Because that would be a realistic thing to think, and we like to be prepared. We know we must have our babies when we're young — the eggs are running out! But it does seem amazing that a clever, well-travelled man, whose job it is to examine the human condition, and who had a pretty steamy relationship with Germaine Greer at one point, has never realised that women can be just as driven by their desire as men. If we're still getting talked-over at meetings, is it because we're not dressing powerfully enough? Feminism can only work if men are feminists, too — because the only indice by which feminism will succeed is based on how many people believe in it, support it, and want it to happen. There's no point in only 27 per cent of people believing in equality because the maths, very obviously, show that you won't be equal if 73 per cent of people think you're not. hide the feminism in a special secret place, and only let certain people have access to it.

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